So far this lent I have missed two of my scheduled Lenten blog post. This bothers me! I was asked to be on a board last summer to perform a very simple task. To date I have not done much towards that obligation. This bothers me! And there are a few other things that bother me.
I have lots of excuses:
Work is busier than ever
I have been traveling a lot
My family needs some time also
I need my own down time
(here is a great one) I am active in my parish and isn't that more important!
At the end of the day the excuses don't matter. The stuff is not done. I take full responsibility for this reality. I am ready to accept any worldly consequences that may result because of my shortcomings.
But my guilt goes beyond accepting worldly consequences. I am a recovering perfectionist. As a result in will wake up in the middle of the night with all sorts of screwy ideas of why I am less than perfect because I fell short. My perfectionism can really get into my head. It can mess with my day and my week. Voices from the past screen out: EXCUSES DON'T MATTER! And I carry it to another level by telling myself that I am less of a person as a result.
I am not sure I will ever totally conquer my perfectionism. However I can share with you my medicine for the dark moments. Over time I have gotten relatively good about calming myself. I get to a quiet spot and repeat what my heart knows to be true. " I am a child of God and I am made in the image of God". By doing this, I allow what I know in my heart to overcome the knowledge of my mind. The perfectionism of my mind can push my heart to the background. Getting God involved through my quiet time allows my heart to win the battle.
I then go on. I try my best to meet all my obligations and know that I will fall short. How I react to falling short makes all the difference