So, this Lent, I've been thinking. For some reason, my plans for Lent have fallen by the waste-side and I was given a new plan. My entire pray, so far this Lent has been on Conversion. My own prayer and reflection has been centered around this spiritual reality and some of the spiritual reading I've been doing on the side has fallen under this theme too.
I had a double whammy this weekend.
The first occurred during Deacon Tom's homily yesterday. At some point during the homily, talking about Abraham's simple prayer of presence to the Lord- "Here I am"- Deacon Tom said something like, "Jesus is saying 'Here I am for you; are you here for me?'" That hit my heart squarely!
Am I truly present for the Lord? Am I truly in communion with Him? Am I not only hearing Him, but am I listening to Him and allowing His Word, His Sacrament, His teaching, and His prayer to change me, to convert me, to draw me into a deeper communion with Him? Am I truly present to Him so that He can in fact nourish me and make me the man and priest that He has created me to be?
The second whammy came last night as I reviewed the readings for Mass today. Click here for the Gospel reading.
There's something remarkably simply about that teaching of Jesus and yet it baffles me as to why I can't seem to get my head and heart around it. And then it occurred to me: Has it ever occurred to me that the reason I sometimes reject Conversion is because I don't think I need it? This may sound rudimentary, but I think it's key to understanding my own humanity, my own sinfulness, my need for redemption and the ultimate power of God's mercy and forgiveness.
I wonder if my prayer needs to be more focused on accepting the fact that the key to conversion is in fact an awareness that I need to change, that I am the point of conversion in my own journey of Faith, Hope and Love. That it is I who am invited to see myself as the Father sees me: a good man, broken, yet good, in need of redemption, in need of conversion of heart, an unfinished project, a man capable of Love and Faith and Service.
I'm kind of rambling... I haven't sorted all this out yet. But here's my prayer for today:
Jesus, I'm a work in progress. Be patient with me. Give me the sight to see both the specks and planks in my own eye and in your mercy and Love for me, and with my permission, get it out! Amen.